All or nothing

| What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?

As a woman in her 20s who feels like she has nothing, “having it all” feels like both a ticking deadline and a chance to dream.

It’s got a history as a loaded phrase to shame every woman who doesn’t figure out a way to have it all. Because for some reason society judges only women to “have it all.” But isn’t “all” different to everyone?

I think it is attainable if you acknowledge what “all” means to you. If it’s a reflection of our goals or a to-do list to be checked off.

Sometimes it meant the clock shaming me to find the loving husband, the perfect kids and the status-climbing career in time. But the loving husband was only there because there was a spot on the blueprint for him. The perfect kids were rigidly stuck in place. The status-climbing career hid its bureaucratic meaninglessness.

Sometimes it means running a successful primary care-psychiatry clinic for the underserved with my best friends. Sometimes it means coming home from work to a beautiful house in the woods to two young daughters waiting to greet me. Sometimes it means everyone in the world cherishing my writing while I live in an art-filled apartment in NYC with my dog.

I told these separate dreams to my friend once, satisfied by just one of them happening.

And she simply asked, “why not have it all?”