My freshman year of college officially ended one week ago, along with my ties to the BS/MD program.
October 2014: The BS in BS/MD
I know I said I wouldn’t do this, but it’s time for the truth to come out.
I think these kinds of programs are shit.
How on earth could a 17 year old be qualified to become a doctor?
Yes, I know, I’m in one of these shit programs. And I’ve felt terrible about it because I know I’m not going to be nearly as experienced as the 25 year olds I’ll be surrounded by when I’m a meek 20 years old.
Tell me, do you want a 28 year old doctor? What kind of people trust a 28 year old with their lives? Most of the people I will treat will be older than me, and odds are, much more intelligent that I will be.
Wannabe doctors like me are grateful for such programs, but if I actually think about it, it’s such a cop-out.
And think about the personality of a doctor. You want someone who is trusting, non-judgmental, sympathetic and compassionate. But at the same time, you want someone determined, knowledgable, and tough. Not someone who will compare your SAT scores and then make bets to see who will get kicked out of the program for not meeting the grade requirements (yes, this has happened).
This has been building up for quite a while now, so it may seem like I’m exploding in a ball of anger. I’ve just been trying to hold myself back, seeing if there’s any way to justify what I’m doing. Honestly, I cannot.
And so, I am here to say that I am dropping out of the BS/MD program.
I mentioned this post “The BS in BS/MD” in my previous post, and I said it was too bitter to publish. I still think it’s a bit uncalled for, but I found it worth publishing for two reasons.
1. According to WordPress, I wrote this 8 months ago. Meaning I wrote this back in October, and I haven’t touched it since. I was waiting for the day I would officially drop out and publish it then, but the fact that it was fully written by my second month of college is a bit painful.
2. I would never, ever write this today, 8 months later. These are not the reasons I am transferring. All of the facts that I had written about were true. I would have been a 20 year old medical student, a 24 year old doctor, and a 28 year old doctor who could practice medicine. There were kids in my program who made bets about who would get kicked out first. Funny enough, I appear to the be the first person to leave the program (not get kicked out of course, far from it). But my reasons are so much more developed than this that I’m glad I never found this draft again until a few weeks ago.
It feels silly to talk about that first year of college, and the “ups and downs” and the “long-lasting memories” and the “stories to look back on and laugh about” and the “late night munchies.” None of that happened to me.
But freshman year is a big year for anyone, regardless of the above experiences. You learn to be independent. You learn to make mistakes. You learn that you know absolutely nothing about the world and yourself. But that’s okay. Maybe you learn that it’s okay? The only thing I know for sure is that I don’t know anything.
I wish I had written earlier, but it’s been a crazy whirlwind of celebrating the summer high-school style (red cups and everything) and family travels to…
Stockholm! And now en route to Copenhagen, taking advantage of the abundance of wifi.
The fate of this blog is up in the air, but I think it still has a few moments left in it.